My father: why can't he just die already?

I loathe him with every fibre of my being. I cannot live with him. Everything about him makes fills me with rage. And if it were up to me, I'd rather just do without him.

There have been several episodes in the saga of Mikey and the Dickhead Father Who Should Just Get The Fuck Out Of His Life. And this definitely won't be the last. See, my dad would prefer it if I were wrapped up in cotton wool. And that's how he's treated me for the last nineteen years of my life. And since the robbery a couple of weeks ago, it's all gone to shit. I'm nineteen and I'm getting the lockdown at home. It's ridiculous! On goes another layer of cotton wool. I mean, fuck, let go already.

So last night I come home late-ish, as one normally does on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. The parents call as I'm walking home from the bus stop. They start interrogating and tell me to stay where I am because apparently Dad was on his way to pick me up. From the bus stop. Near my house.

And then tonight, I got a stern talking-to. Dad comes into my room and starts ranting and raving about something or another, and I just stare blankly at him. He tells me about how the other night he went to McDonald's on the way home from the Leagues Club and saw a bunch of drug addled kids who could at any moment stab me - which is a little funny seeing as I probably know the aforementioned drug addled kids and I'm probably on friendly terms with them. But I digress. So apparently, even my local suburb isn't safe.

It's times like this that I want to kill myself. No, seriously. Not because I hate my life, but to spite my father. See, I actually quite like my life, believe it or not. And there are heaps of people out there that I love and care for (my dad not being one of them) and I wouldn't want to lose them. But my dad really gives me the shits. I'd give up everything because of the seething anger my dad fills me with.

I mean, yeah he does it because he cares. That's what everyone says. But he cares too much. And quite frankly, it's toxic. I can't just hide away at home for the rest of my life, just because of a minor incident that really could have happened to anybody. I don't want to change anything. Why can't I just plod through life like I was before? It wasn't broke and it didn't need fixing.

So yes, I'd move out if I could. Unfortunately, I lack the resources. But I'm looking forward to the day that I never have to answer to my dad again.


Listening to:
Title: Nature Boy
Artist: David Bowie
Album/station: Moulin Rouge (Original Soundtrack) (2001)
Length: 3.25

Woodies head the table.

Eastwood, 71.
Penrith, 21.
T.G. Millner Field, Marsfield.

Now Eastwood is at the top of the competition ladder, only one point ahead of Sydney Uni. Huzzah!

While down at T.G. Millner, Adam and I went down to the merch stand and bought me a supporters jersey, a birthday present from himself, Steph and Lauren. Love it.

Woodies' scrum half Chris O'Young scored two tries. He's so dreamy. Sigh.


Listening to:
Title: I'm Alright
Artist: Omegaman Feat. Merenia
Album/station: Sydney Jazz (2005)
Length: 4.37

The father: lest he remembers.

Dad wished me a belated happy birthday today. Despite my birthday being on the Monday just passed. He only remembered this morning. In the past few days, I didn't mention it or allude him to it, I just let the day in my household just pass us by. And for some reason I relish it when things like this happen. It gives me an excuse to be bitter, I suppose.


Listening to:
Title: Special Ones
Artist: George
Album/station: Polyserena (2002)
Length: 3.46

Carr, Watkins and Schrödinger.

Now that Bob has resigned, I second Darp's call for John Watkins MLA to ascend to the Premiership of New South Wales. I mean, he's perfect. He's a teacher by trade, a member of the Left Faction and he's my local member! But of course the chances are slim - as slim as Julia becoming Prime Minister, which would be equally good. Sigh.

Amongst other happenings today, the cogs are finally turning. The Schrödinger Equation, an expression that describes matter as a function of waves and the bane of my existence since my gaze first fell upon quantum mechanics in year twelve, finally makes sense!


It's almost spiritual, really. It's such a mindfuck. When the slightly campy and totally awesome Professor spoketh the name Schrödinger in the physics lecture, I resigned to yet another hour of vainly trying to stay afloat in the deep choppy ocean of quantum mechanics. But bit by bit it all pieced together. I imagine that this is how born-again Christians feel when they see that alleged light.

Nerd out.


Listening to:
Title: Grace
Artist: Jeff Buckley
Album/station: Grace (1994)
Length: 5.22

C'est le deuxième jour.

Oh the joys of Sydney University: the Campus CopyCentre, its enormous queue and aversion to cash purchases over $20. I decided to hold on to my sanity today and gave the whole course-reader purchasing experience a miss. But it's only a matter of time before I'll eventually have to subject myself to it. Sigh.

Ah well. At least I'm not taking any pure mathematics subjects this semester. Yay for no maths!


Listening to:
Title: Sugar, We're Going Down
Artist: Fall Out Boy
Album/station: From Under The Cork Tree (2005)
Length: 3.36

Birthday tidings.

Bah! First day back at uni. Bah! It's my birthday too. Nineteen. Hmm. It was a nice day, all in all. It wasn't too cold and the sun was out. But there was the 8am chemistry lecture. Shudders.

I felt a little bad that I didn't get around to an expedition to The Shire over the holidays and pay Simon a visit in his natural habitat, but maybe it was for the best. He got cuter than he already was over the break. Like, oh my God. Silly straight boy. Gah! I did however manage to beat him at pool up in The Cubby for the second time ever. And this time, it wasn't a fluke. Or so I'd like to think. It's skill, mate. Skill.

A few of us bummed around at Manning House for a few hours this afternoon, slipping back into that old habit. It's hard not to run into people at Manning, they just come out of the woodwork. It's an ideal environment to catch up over a plate of chips and gravy. So anyway, apparently Pat picked up a girlfriend for himself over the holidays, a hot German girl, a few years his senior. Bah! Girls and boys are meant to be friends, not lovers! Don't these straight boys know anything?! Heh. Nah, good for him.

So yes, after that action filled day of being educated, Ed, Rob and Scott met up for a few drinks. See, Rob's going back to the U.S. on Wednesday and even though I didn't know him that well nor see very much of him, a farewell was in order. Not often does one get to reminisce about the 80s and 90s, music wise. Also, an old and slightly intoxicated coot in attendance at the bar we were at caught on pretty quickly to our collective queerness and sank his pokies winnings into the video-jukebox. He insisted that we play some Kylie. Odd bloke.

Another 8am Start at uni tomorrow. Stuff that for a joke.


Listening to:
Title: Party Hard
Artist: Andrew W.K.
Album/station: I Get Wet (2002)
Length: 3.04

Woodies win again.

Eastwood, 45.
West Harbour, 35.
Waratah Stadium, Concord.

After building the long awaited ultimate burger at my best mate Adam's house (and subsequently eating the aforementioned ultimate burger), we toddled down to Concord and saw the club rugby again.

Eastwood rocks. Eastwood scrum half Chris O'Young rocks too. Drools.


Listening to:
Title: Friend
Artist: Neon
Album/station: Neon (2005)
Length: 2.52

Fuck.

A funny thing happened to me this evening. I got robbed. On George Street. Three guys, two girls. They threatened that they'd stab me and they took my camera, all the money that I had on me and my drivers licence.

Gave a statement to the police. Somehow I don't think they'll be caught.


Listening to:
Title: ---
Artist: ---
Album/station: --- (----)
Length: -.--

Sommersturm.

The late night film shenanigans continue. This evening/morning, SBS TV screened the German coming of age/coming out movie, Summerstorm. And I loved it. It pulls the heart strings and-- well-- with the lads who star in this film, the loin strings too.

The lads in this are hot. Tobi, the closeted rower boy in love with his best mate, is absolutely gorgeous, and equally so are the opposing rowing team, Queerstrokes. But no, aside from the totty, it was a really great film. The casting was excellent and I loved the soundtrack, too.

Official website: sommersturm. I wish I understood German.


Listening to:
Title: Without Your Love
Artist: Tom Novy
Album/station: Wild Nights 3 (2004)
Length: 3.40

Stonewall.

Caught the film Stonewall on the good old ABC tonight/this morning and dabbled a little in queer culture. The Barenaked Ladies' What A Good Boy seemed quite appropriate for the closing credits. And that's the extent of my critique and/or review.






Listening to:
Title: What A Good Boy
Artist: Barenaked Ladies
Album/station: Disc One: All Their Greatest Hits (1991-2001) (2001)
Length: 4.50

Finis coronat opus.

So three weeks after the last exam of last semester, my results have finally arrived.

CHEM2401 Molecular Reactivity and Spectroscopy - 60/Pass
EDSE4001 Information Technology in the Classroom - 74/Credit
EDUF2006 Educational Psychology - 66/Credit
MATH2061 Linear Mathematics and Vector Calculus - 67/Credit
PHYS2011 Physics 2A - 78/Distinction


Listening to:
Title: Plug It In (Extended House Remix)
Artist: Basement Jaxx Feat. J.C. Chasez
Album/station: Ministry of Sound: Sessions One (2004)
Length: 4.58

Manly: absolutely flogged.

Eastwood, 53.
Manly, 20.
TG Millner Field, Marsfield.

My best mate Adam had another Saturday off from work this weekend so we mosied on down to TG Millner to see the club rugby again. The ABC proclaimed this match the Game of the Round and it was. My beloved Woodies totally shat on the competition leaders, Manly. How sweet it was.

Oh, and Eastwood Scrum-half Chris O'Young: I wanna have his babies. I can't find any good photos of him on the interweb, so you'll just have to take my word for it when I say he's gorgeous.


Listening to:
Title: My Iron Lung
Artist: Radiohead
Album/station: The Bends (1995)
Length: 4.37

Cold and a little sick, but there's some totty at least.

Bah! Sick is bad. I don't know what I've got. It's worse than a cold but it's not as bad as the flu. Nonetheless, I'm miserable. Just once, I'd love for a gorgeous and ripped half-naked lad (see below) to gently rouse me from my restless slumber with a bowl of chicken a la cliché soup.

Mr February from Boys of Manchester Universities 2005. Where's my chicken soup?! Bah, I have no use for you otherwise.

I hate winter. It's totally incompatible with my lifestyle. The cold. The dry air. It's all bad. I want to be able to go out at night in a T-shirt and jeans. And speaking of jeans, one shouldn't wear jeans with holes in them when the weather's cold, windy and/or rainy. I learnt the hard way, as opposed to the easier process of following simple logic. Who knew that the insulative properties of clothes dramatically decreased when there are GAPING HOLES IN THEM? Bah!


Listening to:
Title: Don't Look Back
Artist: Telepopmusik feat. Angela McCluskey
Album/station: Ministry of Sound: Chillout Sessions 7 (2005)
Length: 3.42

The Woodies: they are mighty.

Eastwood, 32.
Sydney Uni, 13.

So I went down to T.G. Millner today and saw the Toohey's New Cup club rugby game between Eastwood and Uni. It was a sweet victory, especially after the Shute Shield defeat back in May.

Gosh, I love rugbyboys.





Listening to:
Title: Ordinary World
Artist: Aurora
Album/station: Remix Heaven, Vol. 2 (2003)
Length: 4.12

Hill$ong: part deux.

Further to my last post on the matter is this letter from today's Herald:

Did anyone else notice the irony of a big concert on the weekend attempting to achieve positive outcomes for millions of the world's poor, and another concert at the SuperDome a day later advocating the virtues of excessive, individual prosperity?

Glen Turner Carlton

Letters, Sydney Morning Herald. July 7, 2005.

Gold.

And oh, what's this? Millionaires think they're poor? Disgusting.

Listening to:
Title: The Impression That I Get
Artist: The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Album/station: Let's Face It (1997)
Length: 3.16

S Club 7 ridiculousness.

This S Club 7 obsession is getting quite silly. I mean really, I don't need any of this. I don't need a long extinct pop group haunting my day-to-day life. But for the last few mornings, I've been watching cheesy S Club 7 sit-coms on Nickelodeon. I can't seem to help it. It's just there when I turn the TV on. And as much as I hate to admit it, I do get quite engrossed in it. Oh God, how tragic. Shoot me.


Listening to:
Title: You're My Number One
Artist: S Club 7
Album/station: Best: The Greatest Hits (2003)
Length: 3.26

Hill$ong: where God cares (about your taxable income).

(Title unceremoniously stolen from Sweat Shop Productions)

NSW Premier Bob Carr has done a lot of things that disappoint me and I've been prepared to put up with it - because when faced with a choice, the ALP is the lesser of two evils. But now he's crossed the line. Bob Carr spoke at the Hill$ong convention and he praised Hill$ong's prosperity doctrine. To which, apparently, he was met with huge applause. Gah! How can a supposed self respecting man of academia lend his approval to a cultish group promoting materialism in the name of a God which has always preached the opposite? A pox on the middle class, it is.

As far as politicking goes (which I'm hoping it is, for Bob's sake), this ventures into the land of bad taste and is borderline selling out.

John Watkins MLA for Premier!


Listening to:
Title: Watch The Right
Artist: Anti-Flag
Album/station: Underground Network (2001)
Length: 2.52

Sick. Of. This.

Bah! So Mattymoo has had nil girl action over the last few weeks. Flirting between him and I gradually increased over that time and he even suggested maybe even getting 'friendly' again. No, not maybe. He explicitly said so. But then what happens? New girl. Fuck.

I shouldn't be surprised. For one, we're mates and I'm not sure why I'm caught up so emotionally in it. I mean, we were mates who happened to get intimate on occasion. I don't know, maybe because this time around he's the one getting some and not me. Call it sexual frustration if you want.

But I suppose then that I'm not entirely blameless; I probably did the same thing to him once. Incidently, I had some time on my hands during stuvac and made a collage out of old movie tickets - and I must've 'seen' movies with Mattymoo on every alternate weekend while seeing the then beau. Obviously this was during Mattymoo's queer phase. I disappoint myself, sometimes.

Ahh well. What goes around comes around I suppose.


Listening to:
Title: Can You Be True
Artist: Elvis Costello
Album/station: North (2003)
Length: 3.45

So... yeah.

What is that Melbournian poo rag MX doing in Sydney town? I saw them being handed out at Central Station and almost everyone on the train had one under their arm. Just what we need, really - another News Limited publication that's not even a worthy toilet paper substitute (I imagine the result of such an act would be journalistic diarrhoea - so common in Murdoch papers - translating into actual runny poo).

And this, hot from their website: "...mX is being picked up by an even bigger audience of highly influential and affluent young people". Sounds a little hand-on-dick, don't you think?

Ha! I said poo twice. Oh, and again!

Listening to:
Title: Boys Don't Cry
Artist: The Cure
Album/station: Greatest Hits (2003)
Length: 2.41

Barbecue.

My best mate Adam had a barbecue over at his place this afternoon. It was great. Thankfully the rains of last week had stopped and we had the perfect weather to cremate some animal remains over a blue gas flame. As always, it was awesome seeing everyone back together again. I get the feeling that I've been neglecting them over the last semester, spending maybe a little too much time with uni mates and, well, boys.

Both Alex and James were there - two mates that I may in the past have been a little more than friendly with. But the initial awkwardness with the two of them just melted away pretty quickly. James brought his new girlfriend. She may be the current object of James' affection but she's not a bad girl. I like her, and she's pretty too. But can you blame me if I'm a tad jealous?

And then Alex - well, what can I say? Gorgeous as ever. And finally, I think we're both comfortable with each other now, after all these years. We even talked about each other's clothes. Although later he lost me when the collective perusal of FHM and Ralph magazines began.


Listening to:
Title: Lola's Theme
Artist: Shapeshifters
Album/station: Ministry of Sound: The 2005 Annual (2004)
Length: 4.54

Drowning in my sleep.

So I woke up this morning in a pool of my own drool. I never drool in my sleep. Darren did, but it was cute when he did it. But I DON'T drool.


Listening to:
Title: I'll Be Waiting
Artist: Full Intention presents Shena
Album/station: Ministry of Sound: Chillout Session, Vol. 2 (2002)
Length: 3.48