My father: why can't he just die already?

I loathe him with every fibre of my being. I cannot live with him. Everything about him makes fills me with rage. And if it were up to me, I'd rather just do without him.

There have been several episodes in the saga of Mikey and the Dickhead Father Who Should Just Get The Fuck Out Of His Life. And this definitely won't be the last. See, my dad would prefer it if I were wrapped up in cotton wool. And that's how he's treated me for the last nineteen years of my life. And since the robbery a couple of weeks ago, it's all gone to shit. I'm nineteen and I'm getting the lockdown at home. It's ridiculous! On goes another layer of cotton wool. I mean, fuck, let go already.

So last night I come home late-ish, as one normally does on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. The parents call as I'm walking home from the bus stop. They start interrogating and tell me to stay where I am because apparently Dad was on his way to pick me up. From the bus stop. Near my house.

And then tonight, I got a stern talking-to. Dad comes into my room and starts ranting and raving about something or another, and I just stare blankly at him. He tells me about how the other night he went to McDonald's on the way home from the Leagues Club and saw a bunch of drug addled kids who could at any moment stab me - which is a little funny seeing as I probably know the aforementioned drug addled kids and I'm probably on friendly terms with them. But I digress. So apparently, even my local suburb isn't safe.

It's times like this that I want to kill myself. No, seriously. Not because I hate my life, but to spite my father. See, I actually quite like my life, believe it or not. And there are heaps of people out there that I love and care for (my dad not being one of them) and I wouldn't want to lose them. But my dad really gives me the shits. I'd give up everything because of the seething anger my dad fills me with.

I mean, yeah he does it because he cares. That's what everyone says. But he cares too much. And quite frankly, it's toxic. I can't just hide away at home for the rest of my life, just because of a minor incident that really could have happened to anybody. I don't want to change anything. Why can't I just plod through life like I was before? It wasn't broke and it didn't need fixing.

So yes, I'd move out if I could. Unfortunately, I lack the resources. But I'm looking forward to the day that I never have to answer to my dad again.


Listening to:
Title: Nature Boy
Artist: David Bowie
Album/station: Moulin Rouge (Original Soundtrack) (2001)
Length: 3.25