Reflections.

Okay so now I'm in a bit of a reflective mood. It's stuvac and I'm meant to be studying for the upcoming exams but as is characteristic of me in times like these, I'm procrastinating. And, in times like these, I'm also looking forward to mornings. Now that I don't have to turn up at uni at 9am I actually have time to cook and eat breakfast. For tomorrow, I've decided on bacon and eggs. Mmm, artery-blocking. I think I'll cook outside too, on the barbecue stove. It'll be good, what with the warm sunshine, the cool winter morning air, the smell of frying bacon and such.

So coming back from that little tangent, I see that my whiteboard still has Darren's phone number on it. I haven't gotten around to rubbing it off - well, not since I stopped seeing him at least. I could clean it off, now that I'm sitting here and looking at it but I don't think that'll happen. Hmm. I've been a bit mean to Darren recently. We still talk - or at least we used to. That was before I decided to go on some stupid mission to alienate a few exs. Bah, I suck. I don't understand why I do things, to be honest. Like the others, he doesn't deserve any of it.

Come to think of it, he deserved better than me, and I'm not just being hard on myself. I'll admit it here and now: I'm not the most faithful person on the planet. The terrible thing is that I can't remember the last relationship that was entirely exclusive on my part. I'm definitely not proud of that.

In my defence (if my position is at all defensible), the third party has never been some random nobody. Maybe I'm taking friendship too far with some of my mates. It's a zero-sum game after all, especially when straight boys are involved. Incidentally, Mattymoo once said to me: "it doesn't count [as cheating] because we're mates...". Not that I'd need any persuasion from him.

So the warning is out there I guess. I'm unboyfriendable two-fold.


Listening to:
Title: Safe From You
Artist: Frente
Album/station: Shape (1996)
Length: 4.22