Doctor.

So I had to see Doctor Graham yesterday. I like him, which is why I'd venture all the way in to Broadway to see him. One of the things I like about this bloke is that he doesn't know my parents so I don't have to worry about any kinds of conversations between them that go like"so how is Mikey's [insert extrememly embarrassing and/or personal medical condition here]? I hope he's feeling better". Another thing I like about him is that, because I found him relatively recently, is that he treats me like a grown up - no lollipops, no patronising small talk, nothing like that at all.

And he doesn't have kinds of grossed-out reactions when you come to him with odd medical ailments, which is especially important when he's looking at your bits. The doctor I used to go to once said something like, "oh, that's weird, I haven't seen anything like that before". And that was back when my nipples went funny after being over zealously sucked on.

So yeah, Doctor Graham had a look at Mikey Junior. I felt a lot more comfortable than I thought I would. I didn't think there was anything nice about standing alone in the middle of a cold doctor's office with your pants down and a fully dressed man inspecting down there - and there really isn't anything nice about it but at least it wasn't a terrible sort of experience. I was more scared of popping wood but I think I was too edgy for it to happen. Thank heavens.

So he went through the questions.

"Have you changed soaps recently?". No.

"Have you changed sexual partners in the last few weeks?". Yes.

"Protected or unprotected?". I hesitate. He gives me a look. Protected, I say.

"Changed brands of condoms?". No.

Et cetera, et cetera.

So it turns out that Mikey Junior is thin-skined. Yep, that's right - he can't handle insults very well (boom-tish). So I have to steer clear of chlorinated pools (the chlorine irritates him), keep my showers short and use some special moisturising shower gel. Oh, and use lots of lube when certain events occur.

The bad thing about Doctor Graham is that he doesn't bulk bill anymore, which wasn't a very pleasant surprise when I realised I didn't have the money on me to pay the bill. Looks like a trip to the Medicare office.

Now, wasn't that a little more than I was willing to share?


Listening to:
Title: Franco Unamerican
Artist: Nofx
Album/station: Weekend Lunch/Triple J 105.7FM
Length: --